LIFE AFTER LOSS AND THE UNEXPECTED GIFTS OF GRIEF

It's been a year since my wife graduated to heaven, and for the past few weeks I've been trying to gather my thoughts to express how out of the rubble of what I thought was my shattered life, God is painstakingly assembling a new foundation of faith, hope, and an eternal perspective that I could have never imagined possible.

A quote came to mind that I've heard many times before.  It goes like this:

"I asked for strength, and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom, and God gave me problems to learn to solve.
I asked for courage, and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for love, and God gave me people to help.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed."  
- Hazrat Inayat Khan

I vividly recall the fateful year of 2022 when our long-time landlord delivered the dreaded notice! After nearly two decades of calling that place home, we were being forced to vacate! We were shocked. Where would we go? How could we possibly find a suitable and affordable new home in such a short time?
Just when all hope seemed lost, God showed us our new home and when I say "God showed us" I really mean it. It is another God story all together.  It was the most beautiful and perfect home for us that we could have ever imagined.  We were both grateful and in my gratitude I prayed the same prayer over and over again: "Lord, let me grow in all aspects of my life, in this new home and in this new chapter of our journey, for Your glory."

For some reason I had certain expectations. I thought, God would push me out of my comfort zone a little, so I would become a stronger person.
Little did I know, that He had a far more profound and transformative journey in store for me. Instead of a gentle nudge, He sent me into the heart of a raging storm. A journey through pain, depression, and fear that threatened to consume me while at the same time offering me a peace that surpasses all understanding.  Being a follower of Christ can really seem like a paradox sometimes - but only if you have unbiblical expectations.

First, I got sick with an extremely painful herniated disc that kept me out of work for seven months. Then, when I was ready to start working again, my equipment broke down and I couldn't afford to buy new equipment (as an independent freelancer, that could be a death sentence).
A friend organized a fundraiser for us and it was slowly making progress, but two weeks into the fundraiser my wife died of a heart attack in the car.
Now the love of my life was gone.  Just like that. On top of that, I had no car, my wife's income was gone, funeral expenses loomed, and so on.  The weight of these challenges, coupled with the intense depression and anxiety that now consumed me, was unbearable.

God's thoughts and ways are far beyond our own limited human understanding (Isaiah 55:8-9). He enters the intimate spaces of our lives to shape and refine us. Through trials, challenges, and divine interventions, God works to transform us, strengthening our faith, restoring our brokenness, and revealing more of His glory.
And He does this without compromising His righteousness, His faithfulness, His love, and His goodness.

Just a few weeks ago, after almost a year without the love of my life, having faced the darkness of depression and the fears that threatened to consume me, I had to make the conscious decision to stop giving in to the darkness and instead, start living what I profess to believe - the unwavering truth of God's love and guidance that says: "Rejoice when the world tells you there is nothing to rejoice about."  It is a work in progress - but I'm determined!

Last year I thought I lost everything. But God taught me that this is not the case.  Instead of focusing on what has been taken away, God wants me to shift my perspective and recognize the immense blessings that remain, and new blessings that are being revealed as I walk with Him in this new chapter of my life.

My relationship with my wife has not ended. She is in Heaven, where she wanted to be, healed, waiting for me in the presence of God.
My relationship with God has intensified with a much deeper understanding of who He is.  He has given me a clearer vision of Heaven and my own purpose in this world.
And best of all, He blessed me with the joy that comes from a healthy longing to go home one day.

Don't get me wrong, grief will be a lifelong companion for me. However, I'm trying to view it not as a burden, but as a "welcome visitor" - a reminder of the love I shared with my wife, and the promise of being reunited with her again. I believe that healthy grief honors the one you have lost.

I recognize that I have a choice in how I approach my grief. I could allow it to consume me, making it a kind of false "god" that dominates my life. Or, I can embrace the truth and comfort offered by my Heavenly Father. He calls me to rejoice, promising a peace that transcends all understanding. This divine peace is able to fill me with a joyful anticipation, as I look forward to the day when I will be reunited with my wife in the eternal glory of Heaven.

When I look through the lens of my faith, I have the chance to see that even in the midst of the deepest tragedy, there is a wellspring of hope and joy waiting to be tapped. It is the steadfast love of God that has the power to transform our tears into triumph, and our mourning into dancing.

No matter how deep our sorrow may be, it is ultimately overshadowed by the boundless joy that awaits us in the life to come.

THANK YOU

Today people wish "Happy Thanksgiving" to everyone, not realizing that many recipients of this joyful and well-intentioned wish will not be happy because their thoughts and emotions are clinging to the memory of someone they have lost. Whether it was a few months ago or a few years ago, it doesn't matter. Loss is not a wound that heals, but rather a scab that breaks open every time you touch it.  And today is one of those days.

But thank God, days like this don't have to be just a reminder of what we've lost, but they can be a reminder of what a great blessing we've received.  Even if it didn't last as long as we would have liked.

Those who have faith in Christ know that our relationships aren't just for a little while, but for all eternity.  God may have temporarily interrupted our physical connection with those we love, but He has promised a reunion with them in the future.  His promise is meant to give us hope, peace, and strength right here, right now.  

Whatever pain we experience, this is not the end of the story! I believe that this is a good reason to be thankful for today.

It may not be a "Happy" Thanksgiving, but it can still be a day of gratitude, where tears of hope and joy replace despair. We are "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Corinthians 6:10).
Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

SUFFERING

Suffering and death are the harsh realities of this world and this life.  They are an inseparable part of our existence, and no amount of wishful thinking can change that fact. 

Biblically speaking, it is the consequence of sin, which infiltrates every aspect of our lives. A truth that cannot be sugarcoated.

The only hope amidst this suffering is that those who have faith in Christ, will realize that our human existence is very brief in the grand scheme of eternity, and that only through Christ we can see and accept, that this world is not our home, and that our trials and sufferings serve a divine purpose, because there is a greater plan at work.

With this perspective, we are able to face every trial with joy, peace, and hope, and we can develop a healthy, but sincere longing for the life to come.

IS GOD EVIL?

“You are an omniscient, omnipotent Creator of the universe.  You created some people, tied them up, placed them on a railroad track and make a train hurtle towards them. You promise to save them if they accept that You are the creator of this situation. Are You evil?”

Someone posted this on Facebook a few days ago and I wondered if these people were serious or if our culture is now displaying its stupidity with pride.

These are “gotcha” arguments often made by individuals who lack knowledge about God, the story of God, the story of humankind, or the story of salvation. They oversimplify their anti-God sentiment by creating a distorted image based on their irrational perception of what they believe God to be. 

But how do you respond to such nonsense?  And 'yes' I call it nonsense, because these arguments are rarely intended to initiate a genuine and enlightening conversation. Instead, they are used solely to prove a point and win an argument - a typical, flawed strawman argument.

But often it is the silent, curious observer who eagerly awaits a response to this accusation. And as a believer, we better have a compelling one.

First of all, what's wrong with this metaphor is the ‘tied people on the track’.  God did not tie people up and put them on a track to make them believe or go to hell.  No, He told them not to go near the track, but if they felt they had to, they certainly could, because they were created with free will.

God did not create evil, nor is He evil.  God created man into perfection, but man sinned and messed everything up because of their free will. God's creation chose evil, and evil was passed down from generation to generation, destroying the world itself.

We are born into sin and God has offered and not forced the opportunity to be saved from that sin by accepting the gift of salvation that comes only through Jesus.

When we came into this world we were already dead.  But God who loved the world so much wanted to give us life, and He paid a price for that - Jesus. 

What are we going to do with this gift of life? And who is truly the embodiment of evil in this world?

FEARS & WORRIES - WILL THEY EVER GO AWAY?

My fears and worries can be overwhelming at times.  They can feel like a terrifying monster lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce at any moment.

I'm aware that I have to realize that the reason I'm afraid is because I don't consider that God's presence is with me. Once I realize that God is indeed with me, my fears and worries will subside. With God's presence, I also gain access to the comfort of His promises, His peace, His protection, and His provision.  

God knows me from the inside out, and His desire is to inspire me to find my courage and strength in Him alone. But my fallen humanity is stubborn and wants to hold on to its independence and self-sufficiency. It makes it hard to let go of myself and completely fall into the arms of God.  But that's what I must do.

We are given permission to let go of fear because God assures us that there is no need to be afraid when we are with Him. (Isaiah 41:10)

AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHO NEVER HEARD OF JESUS ?

God doesn't punish people for their lack of knowledge, but rather for their refusal to believe in what they already know. It's a concept that demonstrates God's divine justice. Romans 1:18-23 sheds light on this.

According to this passage, every single person has a deep-rooted knowledge of God. It's not something that can be easily dismissed or ignored. This knowledge is embedded within us through the wonders of creation, the whispers of our conscience, and the awe-inspiring beauty of nature. It's a knowledge that cannot be denied.

Yet, despite this inherent understanding, many choose to suppress the truth. They turn a blind eye to the evidence that surrounds them, refusing to acknowledge the existence of God. It's a deliberate act of denial, a conscious decision to reject what they know deep down to be true.

According to Romans 1:20 these individuals are without excuse. They cannot claim ignorance or plead innocence. They have been given the gift of knowledge, and they have chosen to bury it beneath layers of disbelief. It's a sobering realization, one that forces us to confront the consequences of our choices.

But what about the person on the island who never heard of Jesus as the Messiah, the only way to God, the Savior of the world who gives eternal life?

I firmly believe that those who genuinely seek God, who earnestly pursue Him based on the evidence they find within their hearts, will not be left in the dark (Jeremiah 29:13). They will hear from God, and He will reveal Jesus to them in ways that are personal and profound.  Just look at the Muslim world and the miraculous transformations in recent years, that have taken place through dreams.

God gives everyone a chance to find Him. And that should ignite a fire within us to seek God with all our hearts, to embrace the knowledge we have been given, and to open ourselves up to the heavenly revelation of Jesus Christ. In doing so, we will find a deeper connection with God and an unshakable faith.

I WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU

For the most part I "walk by faith and not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7), but too often, to my embarrassment, I seem to perceive God's faithfulness only in retrospect, and rarely when I look forward. And I ask myself, do I have faith in God only for what He has done for me?  For what I can see and evaluate, but not for what He has promised? 

Where is my faith that shows confidence in what I hope for. Faith that has assurance for the things I can't see? (Hebrews 11:1).

 

God assures me that He will never fail me, that He will never abandon me (Hebrews 13:5). Scripture is filled with God's positive promises, and I believe every one of them, yet my faith sometimes seems so small.

I guess the world with all its terror and lies can certainly distract and confuse me. That's why I have to constantly remind myself who God is and apply the things He has done in my life to the things He will do. 

 

He will never leave me and never forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:8). This is His promise, and I believe Him.

“All the promises of God find their Yes in him [Christ]. 

That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.”
(2 Corinthians 1:20)

GOD IS GOOD - ALWAYS

 "Why trust God when he tortured Job, just to win a bet with Satan?"

Someone asked me this question a few weeks ago and I had to try to find an answer. For him, but also for myself.

The problem with finding a satisfying answer to the problem of suffering is that we are trying to figure out who God is by our own human standards of what is good and just.  

I am a follower of Jesus and I have objections and questions especially when it comes to suffering. For some of these unanswered questions that bother me as a mere human being, I will eventually find an answer, but for many other unanswered questions, I won't.  
I have to come to terms with the humbling truth that my knowledge is limited, and admit that "I don't know God, and I'm never going to figure Him out" - at least not in this life.

But here comes the thing that is beyond human understanding - Faith.

When I sum up what God has done, and what he is doing for humanity, I can only come up with the stereotypical Christian phrase: "God is good - always". Because He provided a way out of this present darkness, by suffering Himself.   This, of course, is not satisfying to those who seek to answer the never-ending questions of *why*.

The bottom line is that this life is nothing compared to what comes next for those who have found God, or rather Jesus. This life is a breath, a blip in the grand scheme of eternity. It is over as soon as it begins.  Should we risk waiting to find out if what is written, prophesied, and promised in the Word of God is true, or should we live with the hope, assurance, and joy that there is indeed an eternal life of bliss waiting for those who have walked in God's way?

There is a reason why the book of Job is in the Bible.  It tells us that we will suffer greatly in this life, emotionally and physically, but that God will restore and heal.

The inspired men who wrote the Bible weren't stupid, otherwise they would have removed all the parts that would cause objections, questions, and doubts. But questions and doubts are necessary to find answers, even if the answer is simply to trust in God (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Despite my lack of understanding of God and my many unanswered questions, I still say, "God is good - always".

A SAD GENERATION

This is a generation that cannot deal with the past and therefore cannot see a future.
A generation that claims to live in the moment, but hates the moment it lives in.
A generation misinformed about itself and its human depravity.
A generation that has never understood the power of overcoming and moving forward.
A generation that is now being forced to open its eyes to a terrible reality and its inept efforts to change the world.
A generation that will repeat history because they weren't taught to learn from it.
But it is also a generation that craves authenticity and despises empty clichés.
A generation that is strong in their convictions, but carries a deep sensitivity and profound sadness.

 

I BELIEVE IN EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE

Someone told me that as a former Christian whose faith has waned over the years, he now believes in empirical evidence and sound logic rather than "myths" and "wishful thinking".

When I hear such statements, I always doubt the person's claim to have been a Christian at all.  The definition of being a Christian is very narrow and doesn't leave room for interpretation.

First, it is important to distinguish between being "a Christian" and being "a Jesus follower", which can be two completely different things. The latter usually has occasional doubts, which is a normal part of being human, but in the end, their faith is unshakable.

On the other hand many honest "Christians" might write touching sermons or songs, devote themselves to church, do good deeds, and so on, but they may never have experienced the faith that comes from the hope of eternal life that Jesus promised. A faith "in Jesus" that not only hopes for the good things he can give me in this world, but also anticipates the suffering he allows, and despite the prospect of suffering, finds joy in my walk with him. A faith that doesn't need all the answers the world tries to find.  A faith no matter what. (Hebrews 11:1)

When that faith is not there, it's easy to walk away and side with "empirical logic," which seems convincing but has even fewer answers to our existence than faith can give.

If you ask such Christians if they think they will go to heaven, you usually get the answer "I hope so" rather than "absolutely". 

Faith is not dependent on empiricism, it is dependent on Jesus. (Romans 10:17)

NO SIN TOO GREAT...

I was reading about Satan's temptation of Jesus in Matthew, and suddenly I had a lot of questions about unsaved sinners 'in the presence of God'.

I always wondered why God would reach down to me when I was a lost sinner trying to figure out who He was or even if He existed.  I guess the fact that I was looking for Him made Him want me to find Him even more (which is probably not a 100% biblical statement, but close) - Jeremiah 29:13.

So as I read Matthew, I asked God why I was so important to Him that He would even recognize me in my unworthy, sinful state.

In my spirit, God said these literal words: "Sin does not surprise Me, I am the One who let you live in it, but I am also the One who loves you too much to just let you die in it." (Romans 3:23-24)

INTO THE HEART Of GOD

Ever since my wife died a few months ago, I feel like I tripped, and fell into the heart of God.
He is comfort in a seemingly never ending discomfort.
He is there with me just as He promised to be.
Not to prevent all of my calamities, but to carry me through them.
I love You Lord!

PEACE

Have you ever experienced the peace that comes from Jesus?

A peace that surpasses all understanding?  Philippians 4:7

Peace from the man who claims to be God, the person that says before Abraham was even born - I Am!   John 8:58

What is he saying?

He is saying that He was always there, even before the world began. 

He is saying: 'I am God, and I give you peace!'  John 14:27

                         Take it!

IF YOU DON'T

Last year I went through many doubts, hopes and fears, so that I had to surrender yet again and say: "Lord, forgive me! Whatever Your will is in my life, I will still love You, and praise You".  

So I wrote this song "If You Don't", which is inspired by Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego - (Daniel 3:17-18), and talks about the possibility of suffering and loss etc. but still praising God for who He is in spite of it.

I believe that this year, God tested my claim that I would praise Him no matter what, when He unexpectedly took my wife home to be with Him.
 

I still praise and worship God, even though I am sad now that I am no longer with my wife.  But heaven is our goal, and my hope has just been raised a thousand miles.

 

TEARS & TRUST

My wife unexpectedly went to heaven two weeks ago. I'm in shock, disbelief, and extreme depression. Many well meaning people are trying to encourage me by saying that I just "need time to heal". But I'm thinking what is this even supposed to mean - "healing from what?". My wife is etched into my heart and soul. We both knew that we were a gift from God to each other.  Now God has taken her home, away from me, for reasons that only He knows.

But I embrace my heavenly Father’s plan, which He is revealing only as far as I can see in the dark. I trust Him, and I hope He lets me live with an ever growing love for my wife so that I don't lose the depth of my longing to be with her again. I want my urge to be in heaven with Jesus and her to intensify, so that when God calls me home, I will have truly lived, with His strength and His guidance, for that moment.

Life will never be the same, which doesn't mean it has to be full of sadness. I'm maturing into the person God wants me to be in the end, and that's a good thing!

THE SELFISH SWEETNESS OF DEADLY BLISS

The other day I woke up and felt like I had to call an old friend in Germany that I worked with in the 80's but hadn't talked to in over ten years. So I called. He and his wife were pleasantly surprised that I was calling from the US just to find out how they were doing.

I remembered that their marriage had always been rocky, but here they were, both in their late seventies and still married. They told me that their son had committed suicide some time ago, which I sensed had brought them closer together and made them somewhat spiritual.

When they asked me how I was doing, I told them that Jesus had changed my life, and their reaction was joy and excitement. I thought, "Hallelujah, have they also given their lives to Jesus?"  But their answer was something like this: "It's a good thing to follow Jesus because you have to be spiritual in this life. That's the most important thing. We follow Buddha. It gives us so much joy and peace. We also explore other spiritual things. As long as you're spiritual, in whatever way, you're doing the right thing".

Everything inside me was screaming and I wanted to say, "Wait, you don't even know who Jesus is or what He says and who He claims to be. You know nothing about Him. If you knew who He was, you wouldn't follow anyone or anything else, because then you would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your next life is something you can count on. An assurance that no one else can give you".
But I didn't say that. There was just no time to be a street preacher on the phone. And so the conversation went on about this and that, and then we said goodbye and hung up.

I felt guilty for not being more forceful, fearing the unpleasant repercussions of promoting Jesus' exclusivity more than their sad eternity without God.  I pray for them now. And that's what God tells us to do, to pray constantly for the lost.
But God has also opened my eyes. I know the unsaved world needs Jesus, but for the first time I experienced firsthand the selfish sweetness of deadly bliss that can only be found in false gods.

LET'S PREPARE OUR HEARTS

On Sunday mornings, we often come to church like an out-of-tune piano. We bring all kinds of baggage that has accumulated during the week, yet we want our worship to be pleasing to God.

 

The "bringing the baggage" part is fine, as long as we leave it at the foot of the cross.

When we enter the throne room, do we come with open hands or clenched fists? How can we receive anything from God if our hands are clenched in anger and/or fear? We must be in tune.

 

God is eager to get our hearts in tune. If we ask Him to empty us of the baggage that fills us up, He will empty us and make room for the worship and praise that is trapped inside but wants to be released before our God.

Our purpose on Sunday morning is to glorify God and express our love and gratitude to Him for all that He has done. This time, we give to Him.

Sunday praise and worship doesn't begin at 10 a.m. when the praise band plays its first notes.  It is a pilgrimage to the throne room of God that begins when we open our eyes that morning.

So let's come together on Sunday morning with our hearts in tune, ready to praise the Lord of our hearts.

I USED TO BE A CHRISTIAN, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME.

Throughout my life as a believer, I have encountered people who claim to have been Christians at one time, but then either through reasoning, social conditioning, or personal disappointment, decided that Jesus was not the right thing for them. But it is only in recent years that I have seen people make this claim more boldly and proudly than ever before. As if being a follower of Christ is a burden to be lifted, a lie to be set free from.
I can't understand why anyone would ever walk away from Christ and declare themselves an unbeliever. I understand that religious pressure from family or the culture we live in can lead to rebellion-but to walk away from Christ, the truth you claim to have once known? It doesn't make sense. 

The apostle John explains why this is possible. He says that because we live in the last days, there are many antichrists among us. These people who once claimed to be one of us were never one of us, otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left us, it proved that they did not belong to us. -1 John 2:19
He is saying that these people were never true to what they claimed to believe. They were/are antichrists. Wow, that's a tough statement!
I have people in my own family that I love dearly that have walked away from Jesus and it breaks my heart.  I wonder if there is a way back for them. Are these people just so-called "backsliders"? I hope so, because if they are, life or death will eventually turn them around and they will run to Jesus again. But I don't think John is talking about "backsliders" here. He is talking about the seed of the Antichrist. And I believe that these people are truly lost forever. Let's hope and pray that none of our unbelieving loved ones are among them.

ISAAC LIVES

The sermon at church today reminded me of a time when God asked me to sacrifice what I love.  A while back, I was on a life-changing 30-day Daniel fast, and on day 27, God led me to a place where I questioned what I loved and what I loved doing in my life.

My profession, love and passion, all of my life was and is being a creative musician.  It is how I express myself, it is my shrink, my tear collector, my bliss and joy and even a blessing to others. And yes, of course I love Jesus.
I love Jesus and I go to church and I love doing my "Christian duties". But what if all the things I love compete with the one who gave me all these things? What if they have become a distraction and not a tool?

I just read my fasting journal and my entry for day 27 was pretty desperate. I knew God was speaking to my heart:

'God is speaking to me ... I now doubt my profession as a musician,  God is asking me "Do you love my gifts more than you love me?"... I can answer this with: "Lord You are my 1st Love", "I can not disobey You when I hear You so clearly" ... I'm pleading not to take music out of my life, but if it is His will, then it needs to be done ... God says: "Isaac lives!'

I was distraught and sad when God spoke to me like this. He made it clear to me that even though I had given my life to Christ, and even though my whole outlook on life had changed when I did, I was still holding on to other things when God says to hold on only to Him.

On the 27th day of my fast I understood that I have to be willing to unclench and be willing to let go of everything I love and instead trust the One who gave me all the things I love.  Even if it makes me sad, I have to let "Isaac die". When I understood this and signaled to God with a heavy heart that I will let go of the things I love if this is really His will, He said: "Isaac lives.

God asks us to be willing to sacrifice the very thing He gave us in the first place, not to destroy it, but to leave us with a space that can only be filled by Him.

Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son. But he knew in his heart that God would intervene. Abraham thought that God would bring Isaac back to life  after he sacrificed him (Hebrews 11:19), but God didn't let Abraham even go that far. He intervened when He saw Abraham's trust in God's wisdom and plan.

THE BEAUTIFUL WHITE MAN ON THE CROSS

I'm not really comfortable with images of Jesus. I guess the beauty of the man on the cross as it is displayed  in many churches, graphics, paintings and souvenirs, is meant to be a depiction of the beauty of God's love. But I can't really look at these images without thinking that the real image of Jesus is being hidden and even distorted.

No one knows exactly what Jesus looks like, but He certainly doesn’t look like the beautiful, perfectly groomed, long-haired, white man on the cross.
The Word of God gives us a glimpse of what Jesus might have looked like. It is in the book of  Isaiah:

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem” - Isaiah 53:2–3

This is the awesome, selfless appearance of God in the flesh, who didn’t come as a king with splendor and pomp, but who becomes the eternal King for all those who see Him and understand who He is.

TREEHUGGER - A PRAISE

Every morning I go to the park nearby. It has become my meeting place with God over the years. I feel undisturbed and peaceful there and when I arrive I almost immediately start talking to God. The first words that come out of my mouth are usually words of praise and thanksgiving. Gratitude for the beautiful place He has provided for me. A place where I can rest and come to Him just as I am, and praise for His creation that obediently illustrates life and does what it was created to do.
Sometimes on my daily walks the vegetation seems to join in my praise and worship. And  other times it seems it seems like it's trying to comfort me when I'm in need of God's help.

The old hymn "In the Garden" comes to mind: "He walks with me and He talks with me". I can see His garden waking up in the spring and going to sleep in the fall. The colors He uses for His pictures are vibrant and comforting, and when you look closely, you begin to wonder if you have ever seen such colors before. Each season has its different sounds, smells, and images that are imprinted on my heart, soul, and mind so that I have a place to go when there is no park available.

The enemy is trying to rob us of these impressions of God. We are distracted by a world that is noisier than ever, an enemy that is more desperate than ever, and an arsenal of pleasures and indulgences at our disposal that no generation before us has ever seen. Our daily lives pull us in a thousand directions away from God's garden.

God's Word is like His garden.  When He tells us to focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), He knows that we need these things as a shield to protect us from a world that wants to destroy us..

I want to focus on the good things around me. They are there for a reason. God is in them every day, every hour, every minute. And if there is no park for us to go to, God is still there where we are.

The beauty of creation is in the Creator Himself. My neighborhood park is a beautiful enclave for which I'm grateful, but God's garden is wherever God is.  Let Him be with you always.

ICE SKATERS

Committing sin as a Christian is like an ice skater in the Olympics who falls during a jump. A seemingly shameful and emotionally devastating event for the professional skater. But have you noticed how they fall? They slide down, across the ice, and immediately, almost gracefully, slide out of their fall to continue their routine.
When we sin, we ask God for forgiveness by giving Him our broken heart and we repent. And that's it. The next step is to accept God's grace and gracefully slide back into our routine. We don't have to work for our forgiveness; Christ did that on the cross..

 “But God demonstrates
His own love for us in this:

 While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us” 

Romans 5:8

BORN TO LOSE

That's a funny title. It sounds like a cheesy rock song from the eighties.
But isn't it true. We are born, we develop patterns and we grow into something we eventually accept and become. Then we live our lives just as we are and find comfort in the idea that God made us this way. The excuse for ignoring our spiritual compass is: "I'm only human".

But when Jesus came into the picture He completely radicalized our ideas about who we are. He basically pointed out that if we rely on our human nature, we were born to lose. The world we were born into is a world ruled by sin and corruption and it only produces sin and corruption.  What Jesus said was so radical that even Christians sometimes have a hard time applying this truth. Jesus said that in order to follow Him and have eternal life, we must deny ourselves (die to ourselves), take up our own cross (Mark 8:34) and be born again (John 3:3).
Jesus' words are so radical that people either can't fathom what He is saying or when they do they just walk away because they don't want to give up themselves. 

Free will is a good thing but the consequences of wrong choices are devastating. The self was never meant to be its own god.

I DON'T LIKE THE MUSIC!

Church music leaders often hear this: "Music has lost its meaning," "back in the day we used to have real worship and praise music," or "I want my hymns back." While I believe these statements are correct from a traditional viewpoint, it is similar to stating "everything was better when I was young." However, God's word, our relationship with Him, and our experience remain unchanged. On the other hand, humanity's ability to understand, act, and respond has changed significantly in the last 2000 years.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love the old hymns and I love contemporary music. However, I personally have a hard time worshiping in spirit and truth with super loud and repetitive upbeat music. But I will defend its existence.

It is sad that the human race, in its intellectual evolution, needs to simplify everything. But at the same time, I believe that those who seek God with a true heart (Jeremiah 29:13) and have a relationship with Him will never lose their longing for God and their daily expression of praise and worship. It's our root and it's systemic, but it's expressed in a different way in this century.

I believe that simply playing cool Christian songs that don't focus on the corporate praise and worship element is wrong and should not be used in corporate worship. Unfortunately, this is what is happening in our churches quite often. However, the evolutionary direction of simplifying everything in our worship culture and culture as a whole is not necessarily a means of simplifying God, it is just who we are in this day and age. We are still able to worship "in spirit and in truth" (John 4:24), even though the music is not as "musical and deep" as it used to be. 

I think sometimes all this is just a bitter cry for what has been lost, bundled with a kind of "selfish" ambition to leave things as they are.

The ever-changing world has changed our ability to perceive, act and react, but the powerful and convicting truth of God, full of expression and stirring emotion, has not changed. Even though our corporate, musical praise and worship gatherings are expressed with fewer words and simpler melodies, God is still God, and His Spirit instilled in us is still the same Spirit as it was 2000 years ago. Our way of expressing it has changed.

THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE

I am a very creative person, full of ideas and with many desires in my life. Every once in a while, I come across a role model, someone whose life has made a difference and is a positive success. Then I go to God and say: "that's where I want to be" and He says: "I've already put someone there".      

            Could it be that my pursuit of happiness and success should be a pursuit of contentment? Doesn't God know where I am and why I'm here? Maybe I should stop thinking about a purpose that hasn't found me yet and start seeing the purpose that is right where I am. My idea of success is certainly not God's idea of success. And while this thought may be disappointing at first, I must begin to see the divine legitimacy of where I am. When I do, I will be just as influential as my role models. In a different place, but just as important.

           A life in Christ is a life in mission. Our hope is in Christ, not in ourselves. When our desires are surrendered to the desires of God, our life and mission in Christ becomes a source of peace that accomplishes many things.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"

- Proverbs 13:12

HE WHO IS IN ME

While writing "Sacrifice of One", I was under heavy attack. In just two days, I suffered from a temporary but severe hearing loss caused by my tinnitus that lasted for weeks, I suffered from an eye infection, and a painful sciatica immobilized me for a whole week. For unknown reasons, the enemy fought against me more fiercely than usual. However, I was determined to complete the song for our church's Good Friday service.  

And so I ignored the world and its pain (to put it poetically) and fought the enemy back by reaching for the peace and joy that can be found in every circumstance in our lives (2 Thessalonians 3:16) and I finished my song in time.
I don't know if my song needed to be finished in time so my church could hear it, or if anyone was impacted by it, but I know this: I had to finish the song in spite of my pain and discomfort. I had to show the enemy that 'the one who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world' (1 John 4:4).

A WELL-PAYING JOB

A few years into my redeemed life, I realized that not only was I receiving the free gift of eternal life, but I was also receiving the responsibilities of a committed relationship. I was hired for life to a well-paying job. Although there are no days off and no vacations. The responsibilities seem endless. A simple prayer request becomes an urgent task, an encounter with an unsaved person becomes an often heart-wrenching mission that can last decades or forever. Many of the tasks into which you pour your strength, your tears, and your hope may never bear fruit that you will see in this lifetime. But the job itself is a reward.  Out of tears, discouragement or weariness comes joy, encouragement and strength.

Being born again brings with it the responsibility to act on your new heart, your new thoughts, and your zeal to share what you have been given with those who don't yet have it. Worrying about your own life is kind of unnecessary because your employer says, "Do not worry, everything you need will be given to you" (Matthew 6:30-33). And the biggest bonus when your job is finally over is eternal life. A well-paying job indeed.

WHEN DOUBT STRIKES

A few days ago a friend of mine sent me a booklet by a German theologian who, without denying the necessity of Jesus for salvation, claims that Jesus wasn't divine and that Jesus' words were not translated correctly. According to the theologian, this leads to false assumptions and beliefs. This theologian studied the ancient Bible languages for decades, and everything I read in this pamphlet had the appearance of a thoroughly researched study.

How can a respected theologian write such a thing? "Jesus not divine?", "His words not the truth as I know it?".  I was about to laugh it off and dismiss it as the attempt of a "ferocious wolf in sheep's clothing" to confuse me (Matthew 7:15), when for a split second the question "What if?" popped into my mind. I was shocked. Had I just experienced doubt about my core beliefs? 

I immediately began to pray and asked God to fill me with His truth and wisdom and for some reason I began to speak out loud what that truth was. As if I needed to shout it out to the world around me.

What came out of my mouth was the unchanging Christian message. The truth so simple that some can't believe it. But we need to hear it again and again in its simplicity to be reminded of where we stand.

"It is God who wanted to make himself known to us, his creation, whom he loves. But a creation that was also on the verge of collapse because it didn't know who God was, and so in a desperate attempt to fill the "God vacuum," people decided to make up their own gods. So God, who is Spirit, sent Himself to earth in the form of Jesus the Christ (the Messiah), who had been prophesied centuries before. To live among us, to teach us who God is, and to show us a way out of our finite and miserable existence. God came to us in the form of Jesus to reveal that our deep longing for Him points to Jesus. Jesus lived for us and walked before us so that we might have a way to walk. And He died for us so that we might find eternal life through Him and Him alone. And when Jesus died for our sins, He didn't leave us alone, but sent His own Spirit to live in the bodies of the born-again believers to counsel, guide, and communicate with them. Jesus is God's final attempt to show His love for mankind before He "closes the book" forever."

After shouting out this simple and eternal truth that I firmly believe, I realized that these split seconds of doubt are actually a healthy exercise. When you do not make up your own mind, but let God do the work (2 Peter 1:20-21), it draws you closer to Him and makes you stronger and bolder.

Jesus, the man on the cross, had a moment of doubt when he cried out: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? So it is perfectly normal for us to have moments of doubt in our human nature. But it is imperative that we question our doubts rather than questioning God.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, 

correcting and training in righteousness,

so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped 

for every good work

2 Timothy 3:16-17

SUPPRESSING THE SPIRIT OF GOD

In the past few days I have been feeling increasingly sad and anxious due to various events in my life. I felt depressed, which always takes away my strength, both physically and mentally. So, on my way to the park where I walk every morning, I asked God why this is; why am I suddenly so sad and depressed? It takes away my joy; why can't I fight it? I asked Him to speak to me, to show me how to overcome it.

I know the theology: Christ is in me, He is the ultimate overcomer, and I can overcome through Him. ... But today it doesn't work. Why is that? For some reason, I don't know how to apply God's truth to my situation this time. "Please speak to me," I say, "how do I overcome this now? And God answered: "Through me". I thought, "What? That's it?" But what did I expect? I had to know that He would say that. Because that's the truth. I guess I was expecting some kind of special treatment, like an angel would appear and touch me and everything would be okay.

So I kept walking and thinking about how I could overcome this unpleasant unhappiness through Him. At some point, I pulled out my smartphone to read my daily devotional. This time it was about drunkenness. "Great," I thought, "this is going to be boring," because drunkenness does not apply to me. But I kept reading and halfway through the story changed and the text pointed me to Ephesians 5:18 where Paul says, "Be filled with the Spirit. I knew immediately that God was speaking to me. My prayers and pleading had brought me to a place where my heart, soul, and mind were ready to receive what God wanted me to have. "Be filled with the Holy Spirit"! Of course, that's it! As simple as that. No heavenly encounters or deep theological knowledge required. No - just knowing who I am in Christ and that His divine Spirit dwells within me. When I let His Spirit fill me, there is no room for fear or depression, there is only room for Him.

 

To be filled with the Spirit is to see Christ vividly and joyfully. It means standing on top of my tragic existence. It brings a joy that makes it possible to cast out unhappiness, stress, fear and all the other unpleasantness of this world.

Why did I suppress the Spirit today? I think in my human existence I am simply prone to constantly inhaling the poisonous fumes of this world while at the same time expecting the Spirit of God to let me walk on top of the world. But there is only room for one, and it is my choice to choose one or the other. I have failed and I have succeeded today. Praise God!

DON'T WAIT FOR GOD'S PACKAGE

When we want something from God we go to Him in prayer and ask Him for what we want. Sometimes even desperately. And then we sit down and wait for God's package to be delivered and wonder why it hasn't arrived yet. But every once in a while God does not leave the package on our doorstep, but instead tells us where to go to pick it up.

MY GOD-COLOURED VOICE

I realize that I'm paying too much attention to my own God-colored voice. It is the voice that says the socially "right thing" when spiritual truth is needed. The "churchy feel-good voice" that tries to please everyone when an uncomfortable truth may need to be spoken. There is a difference between the voice of the Holy Spirit which doesn't hold back anything, and my own self-righteous God-colored voice, which leads to lukewarm decisions. Decisions based on this God-colored voice may feel right, but they are almost always tailored to my own needs and not to God's desires.

STAY WITH ME AND I STAY WITH YOU

In John 15:5-7 Jesus explains to His disciples how important it is to be connected to Him. Like branches to the vine, He promises that if we stay connected with Him we will bear much fruit. By praying, reading, listening, and meditating on God's Word, our spiritual being comes to life. On the other hand, if we are not connected to Jesus, our mental and spiritual being will wither and eventually die.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." 

HOPE

What just came to my mind was this: "When problems replace hope, there is something wrong with your faith. Maybe that's a little harsh, because I have faith. But sometimes that glove seems to fit me well. I have moments when I feel like a prisoner. My nature, my character, my whole self, has always needed the freedom to walk freely or to walk away from things at any time. But now I sometimes feel that my circumstances have put me in a box. On the other hand, I know very well that God supersedes EVERYTHING and that I should always be totally dependent on Him. But I also have many moments when, in the midst of sadness and seemingly unchangeable circumstances, my spirit suddenly cries out: "IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL" and I know it is and I love those moments.

WITNESS

I was able to observe a beautiful scenario that perfectly complemented our youth pastor's message this morning. His theme was about caring for people and going out and telling them the truth about Jesus. After church I went to Whole Foods Market and saw two young men talking to a young woman from Pakistan who had a booth there to promote a product. One of the men had a T-shirt that said: "There is Hope - Hebrews 11". 

So I was curious to see what would happen. One of them started to talk seriously. After a while, the young woman became emotional. Then the men prayed over her and she began to cry profusely. You could tell that something or someone was tugging at her. When the prayer was over, you could see that her tears of sorrow obviously turned into tears of joy. What a beautiful picture! 

I don't know if she gave her life to Jesus today, but she definitely encountered the power of the truth of Jesus, which once you know, there is no going back. I thanked the men for their courage.

JESUS ABOUT RELIGION

"You and your religion..." I often hear this and similar quotes from family members and other people who don't believe.  I usually reply that I'm not really religious at all, which leaves them confused.
Jesus is not just someone who started a religion.  He is the one who wants to reunite us with God in an understandable and very personal way.  And he wasn't shy about talking to the religious leaders of his day:

 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices, mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law, justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."

- Matthew 23:23-28

"MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL"

At first sight, this frequently quoted biblical passage may appear reasonable, but it's not precisely what the Bible says.
In his first letter to his young protege Timothy, the Apostle Paul stated that,  "For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." - 1 Timothy 6:10

Obviously, it is not money that causes evil, but the love of money.  If we remove words, the statement's meaning changes, and distorts the word of God.

Money is nothing bad. You can do many good things with money. However, if we hoard, become greedy, and love money, we create a false idol, leading to destruction and suffering eventually.

Nothing we own is ours. Everything belongs to God.
(1 Corinthians 10:26   |    Psalms 24:1)

THE BIBLE IS NOT IMPORTANT - I CAN FOLLOW GOD WITHOUT IT

Even without the Bible, we can know God, or at least a part of Him.  We can experience God in our daily lives through His creation (Romans 1:20). We also have a sense of God's love and will because, as part of His creation, we can find His fingerprint in our hearts - God's DNA, if you will (Romans 2:14-15).  However, there is a big difference between having a "sense of God" and having a personal relationship with God. This personal relationship is what distinguishes the Christian faith from other religious or spiritual belief systems.

As a seeker, I had trouble accepting the Bible as "the infallible word of God". On the one hand, I thought the Bible was written by the Catholic Church, and on the other hand, the fact that the "Word of God" was written by fallible humans didn't sit well with me.  Also, the fact that the Bible wasn't written all at once, but is a collection of manuscripts and writings written and collected over a period of about 1600 years, made it very difficult for me to accept it as a trustworthy "Word of God".

As I learned more about the history of the Bible, I began to believe that it must have been an act of God to put all the pieces of this immense puzzle together so that we could see the big picture. But what finally convinced me to accept the Bible as a whole, as the Word of God and absolute truth, was that Jesus himself approved of the Old Testament, confirmed its authority, quoted from it, proclaimed its power, and described himself as its fulfillment.  As I read and studied the Bible more and more, I was stunned to realize that the Old Testament revelations authorized by Jesus pointed to this same Jesus of Nazareth, the coming and long-awaited Messiah.

Just a few examples: The prophet Micah referring to the birthplace of Jesus 700 years before Jesus was born (Micah 5:2).  The prophet Isaiah describing the virgin birth (Isaiah 7:14). Or the prophecies in Psalm 22:16 and Isaiah 53:3-6 describing the crucifixion of Jesus 800 years before crucifixions even existed.  And these are just a few of the obvious revelations for "Bible beginners". So far, more than 300 prophecies have been fulfilled in and by Jesus.

All of this gave me the confidence to open this book and study it. Not with the intention of "exposing" its fallibility, but to listen to what it has to say to me. I've been reading, meditating and studying the Bible for more than 14 years now, and I can say with conviction that this book is God's supernatural legacy to mankind. It is a fountain of living water (Jeremiah 2:13, John 7:38).

Through the Bible, we come to know God and can develop a personal relationship with Him through His Word. God becomes a father, a wise friend, and a living, constant companion.

 

When we make the decision of our own free will to trust God wholeheartedly, we will find in His Word a map and a compass to guide us safely through the labyrinth of this life. A plan laid out for us to protect us from an eternity without God.
The Bible shows us who we are, who God is, and that He still loves us even though we have not returned that love.

WHY ARE CHRISTIANS THROWING BIBLE VERSES AROUND ALL THE TIME?

Simply to prove and document what they claim. It is important to test and verify what someone is trying to tell you as the truth. Unfortunately, people don't put much effort into finding out who Jesus is, what He says, and what the reason for His appearance in this world is. People like intellectual fast food, so they just believe what they are told, either for or against, depending on where you stand. This careless "trust" can have dire consequences.

Many are misled and even deliberately manipulated in their understanding of God, either because they don't have access to God's Word or because they think they don't need to spend time exploring God's Word. Either way, when a Christian throws around Bible verses, you are confronted with the truth and its source.

CAN SATAN READ MY THOUGHTS?

Although Satan has some power and influence (no wonder he is called "the ruler of this world" (John 16:11), "the prince of the power of the air" (Ephesians 2:2), "the angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14), "the god of this world" (2 Corinthians 4:4), etc.), he is not omniscient and cannot read our thoughts.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say that Satan can read our thoughts.  The book of Job makes it very clear that Satan does not have that kind of power. If he did, he would have known that Job would never denounce God.

Even though Satan can't read our minds, he still has an advantage over us: Satan has been watching people and human nature for thousands of years (Job 1:6-7).

You could say that Satan and his demons are experts in human behavior. He knows how we respond to temptation. He and his demons can easily guess what we are thinking. Therefore, it is important to know how Satan approaches us and how he works.  He certainly does not do it with horns, pitchforks, brimstone, and a scary Halloween mask. Satan is described as "the angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14). However, when we know the character of Satan and submit to the Spirit of God, he will flee (James 4:7).