Everybody has a unique story. My story might not be so unique, but it is uniquely mine.
Growing up in Germany in a more or less cultural Christian home, left me with a nebulous understanding of a "higher power" and an undefined truth, that led me to believe that every religious claim in this world is ultimately a path to God. Once this "truth" was established in my head I didn't feel the need to think about this "God thing" anymore.
Growing up in Germany in a more or less cultural Christian home, left me with a nebulous understanding of a "higher power" and an undefined truth, that led me to believe that every religious claim in this world is ultimately a path to God. Once this "truth" was established in my head I didn't feel the need to think about this "God thing" anymore.
THE WORLD
Music was my joy over anything else, ever since I was a young boy. I had a good, classical piano education that was bundled with the hope of my parents that someday I might become a classical pianist. But when I started playing in Garage bands I formed my own musical dreams. When I turned 17 I entered the professional secular music world as a keyboard player, touring with bands in Germany and later in other German speaking countries. Eventually I started writing songs, had world wide success, my name was in popular magazines and my bank account was happy, too. Life was good ... or was it?
THE FALL
I was proud of my achievements but I was also extremely stressed, full of anxieties, depressed, choleric, angry and not pleasant to be around. Eventually my professional and personal life crashed and I literally lost everything I thought was worth living for. I did understand the downfall of my personal relationships because I was a selfish jerk. But my professional life? I was good at what I was doing and I had proof of it, so why did I fail now?
Nothing seemed to work out anymore and I became self-destructive and the emotional pain of simply living through another day was unbearable at times. One night in my empty house, at the height of my self-destruction and self-pity, in a substance-induced state of what could be called "not being myself" I fell on my knees before the God I didn't know, but hoped would exist. What fell on its knees in desperation that night was the realization of who I was. A realization which thanks to God didn't come too late. A sinful, lost and unredeemed, dying soul, that's what I was.
Nothing seemed to work out anymore and I became self-destructive and the emotional pain of simply living through another day was unbearable at times. One night in my empty house, at the height of my self-destruction and self-pity, in a substance-induced state of what could be called "not being myself" I fell on my knees before the God I didn't know, but hoped would exist. What fell on its knees in desperation that night was the realization of who I was. A realization which thanks to God didn't come too late. A sinful, lost and unredeemed, dying soul, that's what I was.
THE QUEST
Even though it didn't seem possible I was actually clear minded for the first time in a long time that night. I cried out to the God I didn't know. "Are you here? Help me! I am lost! I need You!". My need for God and my yearning for Him was real that very moment. It felt good to let it all out. Nevertheless I didn't expect any kind of supernatural help. I was wrong.
God does not care about who you are or what you did, all he wants is the broken heart that He already knows from the inside out, to freely come to Him and say "I need You". That night was that moment for my heart.
The next day I felt kind of good again because my emotional drama was really cathartic and I was about to move on with my life. But in the following days, weeks and months I encountered what I now call "the gentle grip of God". It first came in the form of emails that I received from people that I knew for a while but who suddenly revealed their Christian faith in an almost "extreme" way. I liked them very much but they still seemed kind of crazy and over-the-top to me. At the same time I also received emails from people of other faiths who were trying to promote their religion to me.
God does not care about who you are or what you did, all he wants is the broken heart that He already knows from the inside out, to freely come to Him and say "I need You". That night was that moment for my heart.
The next day I felt kind of good again because my emotional drama was really cathartic and I was about to move on with my life. But in the following days, weeks and months I encountered what I now call "the gentle grip of God". It first came in the form of emails that I received from people that I knew for a while but who suddenly revealed their Christian faith in an almost "extreme" way. I liked them very much but they still seemed kind of crazy and over-the-top to me. At the same time I also received emails from people of other faiths who were trying to promote their religion to me.
I know now that when you seek God, there is also a big chance that the angel of Light will stand in front of you trying to lead you through the wrong door (2 Corinthians 11:14). When my desperate and broken heart came to God that night it opened Heaven but it also opened hell. Both were fighting for me.
THE HUNGER
Now my spiritual motor was running for the first time and I bought books: the Bible, a condensed version of the Koran, books about Buddhism, Judaism and all the 'isms you can think of. But the one religion that was standing out to me was the Baha'i religion, which in essence was the combination of all existing religions. I prayed to God a lot at that time but still I considered Jesus nothing more than a great prophet, a great person. Him, Buddha, Muhammad and all the others were just messengers from God.
One of my email friends, a Bahai from the USA, told me that there is a temple in London, UK whose doors are always open and the Baha'is would embrace me with love as a new believer if I just walked in. Now it happened at that time that I got the offer to work in London and while there, of course I was eager to go to the Bahai temple. I was serious about it.
One day I had an off-day and I prepared myself to go to the temple in London. I was afraid but also excited at the same time, because I knew I was about to make a serious spiritual commitment. And so I prayed to God for His guidance to lead me to the truth.
While satan might be able to deceive us in regard to "false answers" to our prayers (when we don't know God's word), God who is so much more powerful than satan, can hear and answer our prayers in miraculous ways.
One of my email friends, a Bahai from the USA, told me that there is a temple in London, UK whose doors are always open and the Baha'is would embrace me with love as a new believer if I just walked in. Now it happened at that time that I got the offer to work in London and while there, of course I was eager to go to the Bahai temple. I was serious about it.
One day I had an off-day and I prepared myself to go to the temple in London. I was afraid but also excited at the same time, because I knew I was about to make a serious spiritual commitment. And so I prayed to God for His guidance to lead me to the truth.
While satan might be able to deceive us in regard to "false answers" to our prayers (when we don't know God's word), God who is so much more powerful than satan, can hear and answer our prayers in miraculous ways.
THE HEAVENLY INTERVENTION
So I went to the temple, walked up a few steps to a big door, tried to open it, but it was locked. I looked and walked around and no one was there. There was no way for me to get in. The temple just like Catholic churches was supposed to be open all day, but it wasn't for me that day. I instantly knew that God had prevented me from entering the temple. I know now that my search for truth that I put in the hands of God, and the earnest prayers of my mother who helplessly saw my life evolving into something bad, prevented me from walking through the wrong door. A spiritual common sense told me that THIS was not meant to be.
I was now drawn to believe in the exclusivity of Jesus but still had no idea what it all entails. As my professional life continued to go downhill, with no successes, losing my house and car, facing the prospect of having to move in with my mother at the age of 38 (which was a horrifying thought to me) I mustered the courage to make the decision to go far away from pain and past to start my life from scratch.
I decided to go to the USA, which is not an easy undertaking with all the red tape involved. But God makes things possible. Everything fell into place. With the help and support from songwriter friends from Germany and the US, who signed petitions for me so I could get a visa, I applied for a visa into the US so I could live and work there. Within one year I was granted a rare, but door opening visa for "people with extraordinary abilities in the arts" and I moved to the US.
I was now drawn to believe in the exclusivity of Jesus but still had no idea what it all entails. As my professional life continued to go downhill, with no successes, losing my house and car, facing the prospect of having to move in with my mother at the age of 38 (which was a horrifying thought to me) I mustered the courage to make the decision to go far away from pain and past to start my life from scratch.
I decided to go to the USA, which is not an easy undertaking with all the red tape involved. But God makes things possible. Everything fell into place. With the help and support from songwriter friends from Germany and the US, who signed petitions for me so I could get a visa, I applied for a visa into the US so I could live and work there. Within one year I was granted a rare, but door opening visa for "people with extraordinary abilities in the arts" and I moved to the US.
THE NEW BEGINNING
I stayed in a cheap hotel in Atlanta for a few weeks until I finally found a more permanent place in the suburbs of Atlanta. Once I was settled in I introduced myself to my elderly neighbor, who asked me right away if I was a Christian and if I would go to church with her the following Sunday (talk about being bold!). I wanted to be courteous and so I agreed and we went to church the following Sunday. And then the next Sunday again, and the next... The people in this little country church were wonderful. They took me in like a family member. They knew I was lost and needed Jesus. During the following weeks I heard and began to understand the gospel for the first time.
THE NEW BIRTH
Two months later at the end of the church service, during the altar call, where typically no one comes forward because everyone is already saved, I felt the stirring of the Holy Spirit. It was a powerful event that I will never forget.
As so many times before "Just as I am" was playing on the old upright piano. The congregation joined in to sing, and the preacher asked if there was anyone among us today who wanted to make a commitment to Christ. I stood there next to my elderly neighbor and almost panicky I asked her "What if I went to the altar? ... Do you think that would be OK? ... "I think I have to go there!". She smiled at me and nodded while she was singing. So I stepped outside the pew into the aisle and started walking.
The music seemed to be louder now and the sound of the old upright piano appeared to be more beautiful than ever. The voices of the congregation seemed to sound angelic, loud and perfect as well. Everything audible seemed to have melted into one beautiful force that carried me. And as I got closer to the altar, every step became an emotional picture of my true self and my sinful nature. I saw my life and who I was and I knew I was walking into the open arms of Jesus. Tears began gushing from my face. I reached the altar and I knelt down. It felt like I was kneeling before Jesus. I couldn't even lift my head because I was so ashamed of who I was.
As so many times before "Just as I am" was playing on the old upright piano. The congregation joined in to sing, and the preacher asked if there was anyone among us today who wanted to make a commitment to Christ. I stood there next to my elderly neighbor and almost panicky I asked her "What if I went to the altar? ... Do you think that would be OK? ... "I think I have to go there!". She smiled at me and nodded while she was singing. So I stepped outside the pew into the aisle and started walking.
The music seemed to be louder now and the sound of the old upright piano appeared to be more beautiful than ever. The voices of the congregation seemed to sound angelic, loud and perfect as well. Everything audible seemed to have melted into one beautiful force that carried me. And as I got closer to the altar, every step became an emotional picture of my true self and my sinful nature. I saw my life and who I was and I knew I was walking into the open arms of Jesus. Tears began gushing from my face. I reached the altar and I knelt down. It felt like I was kneeling before Jesus. I couldn't even lift my head because I was so ashamed of who I was.
And then the preacher started speaking to me. His voice was embedded in the beautiful music of "Just as I am" and he asked me if I wanted to give my life to Christ. With a sobbing and timid voice I said "Yes". The congregation surrounded me, hugged me, cried with me and rejoiced with me. I knew this was my new birthday: February 18th, 2001.
THE NEW LIFE
Several months later I met my wife (which is another story of a God who is in the details) a Christian songwriter in Nashville and a preacher's kid. Both of us had never been married and finally at the age of 40 we entered this commitment. I got baptized and began to serve in churches as a musician. Later I moved on to Ohio to serve in other churches as a music leader until I found a more permanent church home in Columbus where I have now served since 2008.
THIS IS MY STORY, THIS IS MY SONG
My story is not unique. It is God's redemptive story that has been told so many times before. He who loves us so incomprehensibly hands out a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning and festive praise instead of despair. His story is unique.
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