The sermon at church today reminded me of a time when God asked me to sacrifice what I love. A while back, I was on a life-changing 30-day Daniel fast, and on day 27, God led me to a place where I questioned what I loved and what I loved doing in my life.
My profession, love and passion, all of my life was and is being a creative musician. It is how I express myself, it is my shrink, my tear collector, my bliss and joy and even a blessing to others. And yes, of course I love Jesus.
I love Jesus and I go to church and I love doing my "Christian duties". But what if all the things I love compete with the one who gave me all these things? What if they have become a distraction and not a tool?
I just read my fasting journal and my entry for day 27 was pretty desperate. I knew God was speaking to my heart:
'God is speaking to me ... I now doubt my profession as a musician, God is asking me "Do you love my gifts more than you love me?"... I can answer this with: "Lord You are my 1st Love", "I can not disobey You when I hear You so clearly" ... I'm pleading not to take music out of my life, but if it is His will, then it needs to be done ... God says: "Isaac lives!'
I was distraught and sad when God spoke to me like this. He made it clear to me that even though I had given my life to Christ, and even though my whole outlook on life had changed when I did, I was still holding on to other things when God says to hold on only to Him.
On the 27th day of my fast I understood that I have to be willing to unclench and be willing to let go of everything I love and instead trust the One who gave me all the things I love. Even if it makes me sad, I have to let "Isaac die". When I understood this and signaled to God with a heavy heart that I will let go of the things I love if this is really His will, He said: "Isaac lives.
God asks us to be willing to sacrifice the very thing He gave us in the first place, not to destroy it, but to leave us with a space that can only be filled by Him.
Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son. But he knew in his heart that God would intervene. Abraham thought that God would bring Isaac back to life after he sacrificed him (Hebrews 11:19), but God didn't let Abraham even go that far. He intervened when He saw Abraham's trust in God's wisdom and plan.
I love Jesus and I go to church and I love doing my "Christian duties". But what if all the things I love compete with the one who gave me all these things? What if they have become a distraction and not a tool?
I just read my fasting journal and my entry for day 27 was pretty desperate. I knew God was speaking to my heart:
'God is speaking to me ... I now doubt my profession as a musician, God is asking me "Do you love my gifts more than you love me?"... I can answer this with: "Lord You are my 1st Love", "I can not disobey You when I hear You so clearly" ... I'm pleading not to take music out of my life, but if it is His will, then it needs to be done ... God says: "Isaac lives!'
I was distraught and sad when God spoke to me like this. He made it clear to me that even though I had given my life to Christ, and even though my whole outlook on life had changed when I did, I was still holding on to other things when God says to hold on only to Him.
On the 27th day of my fast I understood that I have to be willing to unclench and be willing to let go of everything I love and instead trust the One who gave me all the things I love. Even if it makes me sad, I have to let "Isaac die". When I understood this and signaled to God with a heavy heart that I will let go of the things I love if this is really His will, He said: "Isaac lives.
God asks us to be willing to sacrifice the very thing He gave us in the first place, not to destroy it, but to leave us with a space that can only be filled by Him.
Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son. But he knew in his heart that God would intervene. Abraham thought that God would bring Isaac back to life after he sacrificed him (Hebrews 11:19), but God didn't let Abraham even go that far. He intervened when He saw Abraham's trust in God's wisdom and plan.
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