I USED TO BE A CHRISTIAN, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME.

Throughout my life as a believer, I have encountered people who claim to have been Christians at one time, but then either through reasoning, social conditioning, or personal disappointment, decided that Jesus was not the right thing for them. But it is only in recent years that I have seen people make this claim more boldly and proudly than ever before. As if being a follower of Christ is a burden to be lifted, a lie to be set free from.
I can't understand why anyone would ever walk away from Christ and declare themselves an unbeliever. I understand that religious pressure from family or the culture we live in can lead to rebellion-but to walk away from Christ, the truth you claim to have once known? It doesn't make sense. 

The apostle John explains why this is possible. He says that because we live in the last days, there are many antichrists among us. These people who once claimed to be one of us were never one of us, otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left us, it proved that they did not belong to us. -1 John 2:19
He is saying that these people were never true to what they claimed to believe. They were/are antichrists. Wow, that's a tough statement!
I have people in my own family that I love dearly that have walked away from Jesus and it breaks my heart.  I wonder if there is a way back for them. Are these people just so-called "backsliders"? I hope so, because if they are, life or death will eventually turn them around and they will run to Jesus again. But I don't think John is talking about "backsliders" here. He is talking about the seed of the Antichrist. And I believe that these people are truly lost forever. Let's hope and pray that none of our unbelieving loved ones are among them.

ISAAC LIVES

The sermon at church today reminded me of a time when God asked me to sacrifice what I love.  A while back, I was on a life-changing 30-day Daniel fast, and on day 27, God led me to a place where I questioned what I loved and what I loved doing in my life.

My profession, love and passion, all of my life was and is being a creative musician.  It is how I express myself, it is my shrink, my tear collector, my bliss and joy and even a blessing to others. And yes, of course I love Jesus.
I love Jesus and I go to church and I love doing my "Christian duties". But what if all the things I love compete with the one who gave me all these things? What if they have become a distraction and not a tool?

I just read my fasting journal and my entry for day 27 was pretty desperate. I knew God was speaking to my heart:

'God is speaking to me ... I now doubt my profession as a musician,  God is asking me "Do you love my gifts more than you love me?"... I can answer this with: "Lord You are my 1st Love", "I can not disobey You when I hear You so clearly" ... I'm pleading not to take music out of my life, but if it is His will, then it needs to be done ... God says: "Isaac lives!'

I was distraught and sad when God spoke to me like this. He made it clear to me that even though I had given my life to Christ, and even though my whole outlook on life had changed when I did, I was still holding on to other things when God says to hold on only to Him.

On the 27th day of my fast I understood that I have to be willing to unclench and be willing to let go of everything I love and instead trust the One who gave me all the things I love.  Even if it makes me sad, I have to let "Isaac die". When I understood this and signaled to God with a heavy heart that I will let go of the things I love if this is really His will, He said: "Isaac lives.

God asks us to be willing to sacrifice the very thing He gave us in the first place, not to destroy it, but to leave us with a space that can only be filled by Him.

Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son. But he knew in his heart that God would intervene. Abraham thought that God would bring Isaac back to life  after he sacrificed him (Hebrews 11:19), but God didn't let Abraham even go that far. He intervened when He saw Abraham's trust in God's wisdom and plan.

THE BEAUTIFUL WHITE MAN ON THE CROSS

I'm not really comfortable with images of Jesus. I guess the beauty of the man on the cross as it is displayed  in many churches, graphics, paintings and souvenirs, is meant to be a depiction of the beauty of God's love. But I can't really look at these images without thinking that the real image of Jesus is being hidden and even distorted.

No one knows exactly what Jesus looks like, but He certainly doesn’t look like the beautiful, perfectly groomed, long-haired, white man on the cross.
The Word of God gives us a glimpse of what Jesus might have looked like. It is in the book of  Isaiah:

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem” - Isaiah 53:2–3

This is the awesome, selfless appearance of God in the flesh, who didn’t come as a king with splendor and pomp, but who becomes the eternal King for all those who see Him and understand who He is.

TREEHUGGER - A PRAISE

Every morning I go to the park nearby. It has become my meeting place with God over the years. I feel undisturbed and peaceful there and when I arrive I almost immediately start talking to God. The first words that come out of my mouth are usually words of praise and thanksgiving. Gratitude for the beautiful place He has provided for me. A place where I can rest and come to Him just as I am, and praise for His creation that obediently illustrates life and does what it was created to do.
Sometimes on my daily walks the vegetation seems to join in my praise and worship. And other times it seems like it's trying to comfort me when I'm in need of God's help.

The old hymn "In the Garden" comes to mind: "He walks with me and He talks with me". I can see His garden waking up in the spring and going to sleep in the fall. The colors He uses for His pictures are vibrant and comforting, and when you look closely, you begin to wonder if you have ever seen such colors before. Each season has its different sounds, smells, and images that are imprinted on my heart, soul, and mind so that I have a place to go when there is no park available.

The enemy is trying to rob us of these impressions of God. We are distracted by a world that is noisier than ever, an enemy that is more desperate than ever, and an arsenal of pleasures and indulgences at our disposal that no generation before us has ever seen. Our daily lives pull us in a thousand directions away from God's garden.

God's Word is like His garden.  When He tells us to focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8), He knows that we need these things as a shield to protect us from a world that wants to destroy us..

I want to focus on the good things around me. They are there for a reason. God is in them every day, every hour, every minute. And if there is no park for us to go to, God is still there where we are.

The beauty of creation is in the Creator Himself. My neighborhood park is a beautiful enclave for which I'm grateful, but God's garden is wherever God is.  Let Him be with you always.

ICE SKATERS

Did you know that even those who walk with Jesus still fall into sin? It may sound obvious, but it’s true: believers—Christians, disciples of Jesus—are not exempt. Every one of us sins. Yet for those who walk with Jesus, sin takes on a different shape.

It’s a bit like watching a figure skater stumble during the Olympic Games. In that first moment, the fall looks awkward and disappointing. But if you look closer, you notice something else: the way they fall is almost graceful, gliding across the ice, recovering with elegance, and rising again so quickly it feels like the fall itself was part of the performance.

That’s how it is with us. We stumble time and again—through failures, doubts, and weaknesses. And that’s okay. Because it is often in those broken places that God invites us to come to Him, to receive forgiveness, and to begin again.

Forgiveness is never something we can earn. It is the gift of God’s grace, made possible through Jesus Christ on the cross.

When we wonder if our guilt might be too great, we can rest in this truth: we are loved—no matter what. Even when we fall, God extends His hand, lifting us up to continue walking—this time with new confidence and freedom.

So we hold on to His grace and step courageously back “onto the ice.”

The performance goes on—with every step, and with hope alive in our hearts.

 “But God demonstrates
His own love for us in this:

 While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us” 

Romans 5:8

BORN TO LOSE

That title might sound like a throwback to some cheesy rock anthem from the eighties—but stay with me. It’s more true than we’d like to admit. We’re born, we form habits, and we slowly grow into someone we eventually accept as “just who I am.” Then we settle there. We tell ourselves, “God made me this way,” and use the phrase I’m only human as a convenient escape from deeper spiritual responsibility.

But when Jesus stepped into the picture, He shattered that mindset. He exposed the hard truth: if we rely on our human nature alone, we are born to lose. The world we’re born into—broken and ruled by sin—cannot produce anything but more brokenness. And that’s why Jesus’ words sound so radical.

He said that to follow Him, to find life that lasts forever, we must deny ourselves (die to our old selves), take up our cross (Mark 8:34), and be born again (John 3:3). That is not self-help; it is self-surrender. The reason so many people—even some believers—struggle with this is because His call runs against everything our ego wants to cling to.

Jesus’ teaching presses us with a choice: either grasp at our own life and lose it, or surrender ourselves to Him and truly live. Free will is a gift, but it can just as easily become our downfall. The self was never meant to be its own god.

I DON'T LIKE THE MUSIC!

Church music leaders often hear this: "Music has lost its meaning," "back in the day we used to have real worship and praise music," or "I want my hymns back." While I believe these statements are correct from a traditional viewpoint, it is similar to stating "everything was better when I was young." However, God's word, our relationship with Him, and our experience remain unchanged. On the other hand, humanity's ability to understand, act, and respond has changed significantly in the last 2000 years.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love the old hymns and I love contemporary music. However, I personally have a hard time worshiping in spirit and truth with super loud and repetitive upbeat music. But I will defend its existence.

It is sad that the human race, in its intellectual evolution, needs to simplify everything. But at the same time, I believe that those who seek God with a true heart (Jeremiah 29:13) and have a relationship with Him will never lose their longing for God and their daily expression of praise and worship. It's our root and it's systemic, but it's expressed in a different way in this century.

I believe that simply playing cool Christian songs that don't focus on the corporate praise and worship element is wrong and should not be used in corporate worship. Unfortunately, this is what is happening in our churches quite often. However, the evolutionary direction of simplifying everything in our worship culture and culture as a whole is not necessarily a means of simplifying God, it is just who we are in this day and age. We are still able to worship "in spirit and in truth" (John 4:24), even though the music is not as "musical and deep" as it used to be. 

I think sometimes all this is just a bitter cry for what has been lost, bundled with a kind of "selfish" ambition to leave things as they are.

The ever-changing world has changed our ability to perceive, act and react, but the powerful and convicting truth of God, full of expression and stirring emotion, has not changed. Even though our corporate, musical praise and worship gatherings are expressed with fewer words and simpler melodies, God is still God, and His Spirit instilled in us is still the same Spirit as it was 2000 years ago. Our way of expressing it has changed.

THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE

I am a very creative person, full of ideas and with many desires in my life. Every once in a while, I come across a role model, someone whose life has made a difference and is a positive success. Then I go to God and say: "that's where I want to be" and He says: "I've already put someone there". 

     

Could it be that my pursuit of happiness and success should be a pursuit of contentment? Doesn't God know where I am and why I'm here? Maybe I should stop thinking about a purpose that hasn't found me yet and start seeing the purpose that is right where I am. 

 

My idea of success is certainly not God's idea of success. And while this thought may be disappointing at first, I must begin to see the divine legitimacy of where I am. When I do, I will be just as influential as my role models. In a different place, but just as important.

A life in Christ is a life in mission. Our hope is in Christ, not in ourselves. When our desires are surrendered to the desires of God, our life and mission in Christ becomes a source of peace that accomplishes many things.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life"

- Proverbs 13:12

HE WHO IS IN ME

While writing "Sacrifice of One", I was under heavy attack. In just two days, I suffered from a temporary but severe hearing loss caused by my tinnitus that lasted for weeks, I suffered from an eye infection, and a painful sciatica immobilized me for a whole week. For unknown reasons, the enemy fought against me more fiercely than usual. However, I was determined to complete the song for our church's Good Friday service.  

And so I ignored the world and its pain (to put it poetically) and fought the enemy back by reaching for the peace and joy that can be found in every circumstance in our lives (2 Thessalonians 3:16) and I finished my song in time.
I don't know if my song needed to be finished in time so my church could hear it, or if anyone was impacted by it, but I know this: I had to finish the song in spite of my pain and discomfort. I had to show the enemy that 'the one who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world' (1 John 4:4).